Are you a positive or negative communicator?

Whether you are a nanny employer, manager, spouse or parent I think you'll find this interesting reading!


As a Manager at KiwiOz Nannies I'm always trying to find ways to motivate my team and empower our families and nannies to work well together. Recently I came across an article which really made me think about how I interact with people and how we as a community could interact with each other in a more positive and constructive way.

The magic ratio of positive to negative moments

If you haven't heard of the magic ratio of positive to negative moments you might like to read this article. It's based on findings from Nobel Prize winning scientist Daniel Kahneman and explains:

Over the past decade, scientists have explored the impact of positive-to-negative interaction ratios in our work and personal life. They have found that this ratio can be used to predict—with remarkable accuracy—everything from workplace performance to divorce.

This work began with noted psychologist John Sottman's exploration of positive-to-negative ratios in marriages. Using a 5:1 ratio, which Sottman dubbed 'the magic ratio,' he and his colleagues predicted whether 700 newlywed couples would stay together or divorce by scoring their positive and negative interactions in one 15-minute conversation between each husband and wife. 

Ten years later, the follow-up revealed that they had predicted divorce with 94 percent accuracy.

How does the ratio of positive to negative moments work?

Each day we experience approximately 20,000 'moments.' A moment is defined as a few seconds in which our brain records an experience. The quality of our days is determined by how our brains recognize and categorize our moments—either as positive, negative, or just neutral.

Scientists propose that each day our brains—i.e., our thoughts and emotions—keep track of our positive and negative moments, and the resulting score contributes to our overall mood.

How is this relevant in the workplace?

As discussed by the Leader Snips blog, apparently there is a similar magic ratio for measuring worker satisfaction. The Gallup Organization has surveyed some 4 million workers on the topics of recognition and praise with startling results. Sixty-five percent of people reported receiving no recognition on the job last year.

An estimated 22 million workers are presently “actively disengaged,” or extremely negative in their workplace. The number one reason that Americans leave their jobs is that they don’t feel appreciated. There are not enough positive moments to offset the negative ones.

A recent study found that workgroups with positive-to-negative interaction ratios greater than 3:1 are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio.

World renowned researcher Dr. Barbara Fredrickson discovered that experiencing positive emotions in a 3-to-l ratio with negative ones leads people to a tipping point beyond which they naturally become more resilient to adversity and effortlessly achieve what they once could only imagine.

So, how can we start interacting more positively in the workplace?

1. Be aware of your interactions

Imagine everyone has a bucket which needs to be full of positive praise and reinforcement. When it is full you can give critical negative feedback and the receiver will have the confidence and mindset to make positive, constructive change. When it is empty if you give negative feedback the receiver will feel unappreciated and demotivated, creating a barrier to positive change.

2. Record your interactions

Start recording when you give positive and negative feedback. When you prepare for a performance appraisal with this log, you will have all the information you need to be objective about performance. You will also have an honest, factual and unbiased conversation with the employee that celebrates successes and corrects behaviors that may have veered off course.

While this may seem to be a lot of extra work, the rewards are great when you see an employee grow and develop. It also gives you the opportunity to see as a manager how much positive feedback and motivation you are giving to your employees.

3. Structure regular meeting times to review and plan

Meet regularly with your employee to review feedback, give the opportunity for them to give feedback to you, discuss changes and celebrate progress. This is an important step because when you formalise feedback it reinforces to your employees that you value their input.

We'll certainly be taking on board these suggestions at KiwiOz and will be interested to hear what you think. Do you tend to give more positive or negative interaction with your employees/ spouse/ family? Do you agree with the article and if so- will you try to improve your positive interactions?

Rachel Lewis
KiwiOz Childcare
Australia | New Zealand | United Kingdom